Have you ever looked around at your circumstances and doubted the goodness of God? No! What about the days when all the children were sick at the same time. Or the time your husband lost his job, or when you found your best friend was diagnosed with a terminal illness. As your world is spinning out of control you say, Lord stop this world, I want to get off. I know that I sure feel that way sometimes. It is so easy to get distracted from our purpose, and to lose sight of what really is important. I find myself thinking that God is not being so good to poor pitiful me.
Things do not happen the way I plan, or as quick as I think they should. You can even begin to question if you are in God's will. Maybe we are being punished for some sin we have unknowingly committed. Can you really be miserable in your circumstances and still be right in the center of God s will for your life? Can you even doubt what you know to be true and still be where God wants you to be? I am sure if you re-read some of your Bible stories you may find once or twice where the circumstances looked bad for God's people, but the outcome proved them to be right in the center of God s will. What about Job, or Paul, or the disciples in the boat in the middle of the storm, or even Jesus when he allowed himself to be hung on the cross. We would all agree, that circumstances did not look too good for them, but yet they were exactly where God wanted them.
I remember something that happened to me a few years ago that made me wonder if I had surely gotten out of God s will. I was sure that God was trying to punish me for something. Shortly after my husband, Dale, was called to preach, he came in from work and said that we were to sell our house, pay off all we owed, and be ready to go at God s beckoning. It wasokay with me at first, but then I realized what all that meant. I would have to leave my family and friends behind and give up my dream home. I did not know how much it meant to me until I was faced with giving it up: the place Dale and I both had worked so hard to provide, a place big enough to take care of the many grandchildren that I had envisioned.
Somehow, I began to lose my excitement for moving. As Mississippi Delta Camp Meeting time rolled around that year, I went with a heavy heart. I was not at all sure of our future or where we would be spending it. I prayed that God would help me to trust my husband to make the right decision. Monday came and went, then Tuesday, before I knew it, it was Saturday morning and it was time to go home. I was going home just like I had come, heavy hearted and full of fear. As I went through the breakfast line that morning with my heart on my sleeve, I looked up into the eyes of a dear woman of God, one in whom I had great confidence. She put her hand on mine and asked how I was. All I could do was shrug my shoulders. The lump in my throat was too big for any words to squeeze past it. She asked me if we could just sit and talk. We sat down at a quiet table and she let me pour my heart out. I spilled out all my doubts, fears, and all my selfish desires. She helped me to put things into perspective and to get my focus back where it belonged. The very fact that this wonderful, but busy lady took time out to help me was the goodness of God. So I went home, with my joy restored, and my faith in God and in my husband renewed, and ready to give up what I had once held dear.
We put the house up for sale and had no idea where we were supposed to go. In just a couple of months the house sold, and through a series of events God let Dale know that we were to move to Pontotoc, Mississippi. We knew very little about Pontotoc, except that it was close to Blue Mountain College, where two of our children were attending. We also knew that a preacher that we knew from M.D.C.M. pastored a church there. Dale knew that God wanted us in that church. I on the other hand, had envisioned other ideas. I began to dream BIG. I was just sure that God had plans for Dale to go to Blue Mountain, get his degree, and pastor a church somewhere. God never said any of that to me, but I was just sure. What other reason could He have for bringing us To Pontotoc?
After six months of living in Pontotoc, things could not have looked any worse to me. Dale seemed to be happy and adjusted, or as happy as a man could be with a miserable and grumpy wife. I had gotten over in my little pity party, again. Nothing made sense. We had no job, all of our savings were nearly gone. Dale beat the bushes daily for a job. It seemed that no one had need of his vast years of varied experiences. Our circumstances did not look good to me. I began to doubt God and Dale, surely this could not be of God. I was just like the children of Israel. Had God brought us here to die, were there no graves in Tennessee? Dale was meeting with God on a regular basis, and was not discouraged, but I on the other hand, felt as if God was a million miles away. I was lonely, I missed my family and friends. I even missed the job that I was so glad to give up.
Finally, with all our resources exhausted, God provided Dale a job. He even provided a temporary one for me.We both began to work for a Christian organization. My job was to open the mail and to help count donations sent into the organization. Even though I loved my job, I was still miserable. None of my big dreams were working out. I was too afraid to reach out for help or maybe too stubborn. If I had been my own child, I would have carried me to the woodshed. But God never did, He only loved me. Looking back, I can see how I could have gotten help much faster. You see, if I just would have talked to my husband and to my pastor, and listened and heeded their advice, things would have been better. I knew God would love me no matter how bad my attitude stunk, but I was not sure if anyone else would or could. So I figured the further I stayed from everyone, the better off we would all be. That sounds pretty dumb, I know, but I never tried to win a medal with my smarts.
All the while, in God's goodness He kept sending the man of God by with a message just for me. Bro. Terry preached non-stop on submission. He taught Sunday School on Sarah and her submission to Abraham. Pride would not let me admit where I was and that I needed help. With each passing week, Bro. Terry poured on the coals, and God turned up the heat. And justthe same as before I got saved, I began to feel sick. SIN-SICK! Also as before, I wanted to run. But God had another plan.
One day, after what seemed like an eternity of misery and praying that God would see things my way, I opened a piece of mail that changed my life. I had probably opened thousands of letters, cards, and checks, but this one was different. I had probably seen this particular check hundreds of times, but that day I saw it differently. God was using it to speak to me. It was a picture of a ship out in the ocean. The water was probably calm, but I saw a raging storm, and in my minds eye it became alive. The ship was being tossed to and fro. The wind was blowing, and the storm was raging all about me. I saw myself all alone on the ship and felt very deserted. I was fixing to jump ship into the raging sea when I heard a voice say, Stay in the ship. I had not heard that voice in a while, but I recognized it to be God speaking to me. My eyes filled with tears and my mind went back to a time in the Bible where Jesus was asleep on board a ship in the middle of a raging storm. I knew that I was not alone, that God was on the my ship, and that all would be well if I just stayed on the ship. Somehow the storm going on inside me calmed. I was again able to trust and follow my husband and my pastor and ultimately my Lord.
God never explained any more to me about the ship, but now, years down the road, I look back and see the goodness of God in my life. He took a disrespectful child and instead of the punishment she deserved, he encouraged and calmed her fears with his loving words, Stay on the ship. Just by staying on board the ship, God has allowed me to be a part of a great ministry. He has allowed me to see the power of his salvation, even that of two of my own children. I have gotten to know, and serve some of the greatest men of God and their families. In my rebellion I caused a lot of grief to myself, my family, friends, my pastor, and most of all to God. My greatest prayer would be that if you find yourself on a ship in a storm, that you look around you for the goodness of God, because he is there wanting to help you. Better yet, do not wait that long. Before you get that far out to sea, find your pastor, hug his neck, and tell him you love him, and ask him for help.
Does everyone experience the goodness of God, even the lost? Yes. Take a look around you and see the creation of God, take a breath and smell the Goodness of God. The God of all creation causes the sun to come up on the just and the unjust. But being a child of God is experiencing the greatest of all His goodness.
- Kate Fuqua